He’s known by the code name 007. He has a license to kill and danger is his middle name–well, we’re not sure on the last part, but it should be. It’s important to remember when thinking about the James Bond lifestyle that HE IS NOT YOU. Never will be.
So leave the high stakes espionage, car chases, fist fights and lady diddling to him. Well, maybe not the latter. That’s probably your safest bet, actually, if you’re going to play pretend. But while you’re at it, inStash encourages you to look at the Top 10: Gadgets for the James Bond Wannabe, and do a bit of shopping before you go out to shake not stir with your favorite lady.
Parker Jotter Pen
In the film GoldenEye, Pierce Brosnan uses the Parker Jotter pen to sign all of his important documents. He also uses it as a small exploding device. While the team at Parker is not about to sell your crazy ass an exploding pen, they have made several reproductions of the elegant and easy to use pen, and it makes for one handy dandy device to have around when you’re signing credit card receipts.
Imagine taking your favorite lady friend out for a nice expensive dinner and when the waitress starts to hand you her pen, you say, “No thank you, madame, I have my own.”
The trim of this bad boy is a high shine stainless steel. The tip is brushed steel while the body is encased in a gorgeous and smooth gloss resin. Comes in a variety of colors for your enjoyment, and when you’re ready for a refill, you can choose another wide assortment instead of just the blue ink cartridge that accompanies the package.
Sony Ericsson C902 Cyber-Shot
In Quantum of Solace, Bond (Daniel Craig) sent his superiors high resolution photographs of all the bad guys with rapid fire succession for instant face recognition on his handheld 5 megapixel camera/phone. That device was known as the Sony Ericsson C902 Cyber-Shot.
While you may find yourself instead sending hilarious photos of fat kids wearing “I F on the first date” T-Shirts to all your buddies, you can still do so with the same high degree of clarity that 007 himself used in the latest Bond installment.
Of course, we’re pretty sure that by the time the next Bond film does come along this thing will be outdated, so make sure that you get one now to enjoy for the next couple of years until good ol’ James returns to a theater near you.
Rolex Submariner Wrist Watch
Getting good ol’ Bond laid for more than half a century is the highly prestigious (and expensive) Rolex Submariner wrist watch. Featured in one of our top five James Bond movies, From Russia with Love (gotta love that catfight), this has been 007’s most frequently worn watch, and while it will not make you tall, dark and handsome like everyone’s favorite secret agent, it will protect your timepiece from dust, water, and other contaminants thanks to the sturdy oyster casing.
Along with the Triplock winding crown, these two elements ensure that you can take your Submariner to most any depth up to 660 feet, making it a perfect timepiece addition to both land and sea. As Bond is frequently kicking ass out on and underneath the water, he needs a watch that will tell him exactly how much time he has left to save the world.
Yours will tell you how many hours you’ve wasted trying to work up the nerve to approach the hottie across the bar. This one has been around since 1953, and has only gotten stronger since its inception.
Okay, since you’re sitting there reading this and thinking about becoming your very own version of James Bond, we’re going to give you a gun, but it’s not going to be a real one, because we don’t think grown men that delve in to such fantasies should be trusted with a deadly weapon.
Therefore, enjoy your Walther LP53 special airgun issue. While this shoots airgun pellets instead of actual bullets, don’t go around willy nilly firing this thing into large crowds. It will still hurt like a bitch if it hits you.
Despite the distinctive James Bond look that the gun affords you, it was never actually put to use in a film. It does appear, however, on the movie posters for From Russia with Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball, and You Only Live Twice (some of Connery’s best work). Smith & Wesson owns the Walther name, so you’ll have to check out their official website to learn more.
Penfold Golf Balls
The Penfold name has been a mainstay in the golfing community since 007 faced off against the murderous Auric Goldfinger in the third film of the Bond franchise. Goldfinger was not the kind of guy, who expected you to talk. He was the kind of guy, who expected you to die. That didn’t stop our fearless hero from using his Penfold to beat the pants off the laser happy gold thief.
Thankfully, Goldfinger has now been taken care of, the same way you can take care of your friends and family on the fairways. While Titleist may be the more familiar name to fans of Seinfeld, Penfold has worldwide acclaim thanks to the legendary secret agent, and now you, too, can go golfing with the same kind of style.
The Penfold commemorative items are only available from the official website, so get over there today before your next trip to the clubhouse.
La Pavoni Europiccola
Rarely do we get to see where Bond lives, but in the 1973 film Live and Let Die, you get an uncommon glimpse. Among the standouts of his bachelor pad is a home use espresso maker. While an industrial strength machine—the kind that coffee shops buy—will run you a mini-mortgage, you can purchase one of these machines for less than $1,000 on Amazon.
La Pavoni has made a few minor alterations in the last four decades, but their product still offers the same great tasting cappuccinos that you would expect from a device used by the world famous agent. The chrome and black look is timeless no matter what your kitchen looks like, where you live, or how many butts you’re forced to kick on a daily basis.
On a more somber note, the Europiccola really doesn’t do anything special at all, so don’t think you’ll ever get to use it as an explosive device when SPECTRE comes calling. You can make them a mean cup of Joe, though, and see if a little diplomacy might work.
Ultimate Keylogger Software
If you are a true James Bond fan, and you actually want to act the part more than look it, then you may wish to add the Ultimate Keylogger Software to your shopping cart. Ultimate Keylogger Software runs behind the scenes and sends you invisible, encrypted reports of all the day’s activities on your computer through email, FTP, or network.
This product is especially beneficial if you own your own business, have a spouse you suspect may be cheating, or are brushing shoulders with the evil minions of the Quantum organization. We hope for your sake that it is the last option. There is something comforting about the daydream of doing battle with movie villains as opposed to the cheats that CAN actually affect you.
To purchase, you will need to buy licenses for each computer that you plan on placing it on. The company is prepared to go from 1 to 500 or more when servicing your needs. Price goes down with volume.
Smiley Face DVR
If you want inconspicuous, the Smiley Face DVR is the way to go. Boasting a 720 x 480 DVD-quality full color resolution, this can be worn on your lapel to demonstrate your love for peace, love, and rock and roll, even as you get that incriminating evidence necessary to put the bad guys out of commission once and for all.
We know, when did James Bond ever where a Smiley Face camera in the film franchise? We’re pretty sure he didn’t, but it’s the spirit of this little gadget that attracts us. You can literally spy on anyone at any time, all while making a casual fashion statement. The MSRP is around $150, but with the level of quality and concealment that the Smiley Face DVR provides, we think it’s well worth the price.
iPhone Spy Stick
These days it seems like everyone has an iPhone. The bad guys are no exception. But whether you are going to use the iPhone Spy Stick (also from Brickhouse Security, the same paranoid bastards that brought you the Smiley Face DVR) on a good guy or a bad guy, you can’t find better selections for recalling vital data that could help you save the world.
Of course, most people, and this is what Brickhouse markets it for, will use the device to catch cheating spouses, monitor children’s iPhone activities, and back up their own iPhone data. But we can totally see 007 knocking out a bad guy and capturing incriminating data before sending him on his way to unknowingly help topple the whole operation.
The MSRP on this is about $350, though you shouldn’t have any issue locating one for less than $200 online. In fact, Brickhouse is even selling it at $169.95, so now’s as good of a time as any to act.
Intel-Central, the global spy community, has a piece up about the upcoming Scanner Sunglasses from Brazil. While the technical details are not yet ironed out, rumor has it that these will be tested out at the 2014 World Cup to check for criminals and terrorists from a database of about 13 million.
Police wearing the sunglasses have access to a built in camera that scans 46 different points on the face to determine beyond a shadow of doubt whether or not the individual falling under police scrutiny has a criminal past and whether or not there are any outstanding warrants.
While we’re fully aware that there is a margin for error, if the invention becomes a success, prepare for issuance of these to every law enforcement officer across the country, same as guns. Chances are you and the folks here at inStash will never be able to afford it, but a person can dream, can’t he?