We Americans show our affection through kitsch. If we love you, I mean, love you like a grandpa or long-time neighbor who lets us borrow stuff, you’ll ultimately become a Pez dispenser, bobble head, board game, chewing gum. Over the last five years, we’ve definitively shown that we essentially wish our high school Chem teacher would’ve been a meth dealer–Breaking Bad is one of the most beloved shows of all time. Hence, some of the most inventive and hilarious pieces of merch in quite some time have sprung from the addictive show. We’ve brought you one or two, but, it wasn’t X-Mas then, was it? Ho, Ho, Ho, let’s look at 11 gifts for the Breaking Bad tweaker in your life.
1. Mezco Toyz Breaking Bad Bobblehead Walter 6″ Action Figure
“I liked it. I was good at it.” Who will forget that speech from the last episode, the one that cut through the “I’m doing it for my family” crap? This bobblehead captures the intensity of the madman in mid-transition.
2. Blue Raspberry Rock Candy Crystals
The beauty of this replica of the pure blue meth Walter whipped up season by season is that it’s meant to be actual candy and was never intended to have anything to do with the show. But if you’re collecting everything else, this is kind of the pinnacle. Take a break at work and say, “hey guys, I’m eating stuff that looks like blue crystal meth from everyone’s favorite TV drama. You guys want some? Can’t…handle…all this…sh-sh-sugar.”
3. Jess Pinkman ‘Yeah Bitch!’ T-Shirt
For job interviews, meeting the in-laws, church, etc.
4. Better Call Saul 4″ Car Decal
Awww yeah. Bob Odenkirk, baby. You probably know there’s a spinoff by this very name, so the sticker represents two shows.
5. Breaking Bad 2014 Calendar
It’s not too late! Each month of this wall calendar features a particular character or group of characters in various snapshots. One glorious photo per month may have been better, but, you already got the bobblehead and fake crank, what more do you want?
6. ‘I Am The Danger’ Poster
A great gift for those with the foresight to know that when Walt said, “I’m not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger,” in Season 4, he was about to start walkin’ it like he talked it. Immortalize a speech that instantly entered the canon with this handsome poster.
7. ‘I Am The One Who Knocks’ Coffee Mug
You’ve got “that’s why we don’t have nice things, Angela,” “when you shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize,” “you can’t handle the truth,” “cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger,” and now “I am the one who knocks.” Let me ask you this, dear reader: someone opens the door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks. And, could you leave room for cream, please?
8. ‘Tread Lightly’ Coffee Mug
Hank fixes a withering stare on Walter after establishing that he knows he’s Heisenberg, Southwestern meth lord. “I don’t know who you are,” he breathes. “I don’t know who I’m talking to.” Walt peers back. His face has a hundred creases and he looks undead. “If that’s true,” he says, slooowly. “If you don’t know who I am” (big pause) “maybe your best course of action would be to tread lightly.” And someone thought, that’s goin’ on a commuter mug. Let your co-worker know that they don’t know who they’re talking to with this piece of BB memorabilia.
9. Breaking Bad And Philosophy: Badder Living Through Chemistry
This is an entry in the Popular Culture in Philosophy Series, which applies philosophical constructs to TV shows and movies in essays by several authors. Breaking Bad and Philosophy will help you grapple with some of the moral choices made by the characters, and also takes a look at gender roles, which retaliations are justified, how do we react to characters who commit reprehensible acts, and much more. The editors are a trio of academics, David R. Koespell, Robert Arp, and Denise Du Vernay. Whether your gift recipient wants to devastate in water-cooler discussions of the show, answer nagging questions, or learn more about philosophy, here you go.
10. Music From The Original Series Breaking Bad
To end the suspense: this CD does not include Badfinger’s “Baby Blue,” the anthem that scored the series’ last sequence and blew up Spotify in the process. You’ll find a few of the already-released songs culled for use on the show, but the collection consists mainly of the original music, little instrumental numbers that provided the background for meth-selling montages, characters breaking into their own homes, etc. It does include “Negro y Azul: The Ballad of Heisenberg,” a must-have for any huge fan of the series. But with the instrumentals blaring, you and your friends can re-create your favorite scenes or score your youtube vids.
11. Breaking Bad: The Complete Series On Blu-Ray
If you really want to make your Breaking Bad fan happy this holiday season, track down a copy of this deluxe Blu-ray set, packaged (suitably) in the miniature meth barrel. It was released on November 26, and has since sold out. We can see why. Best. Release. Ever.